Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 30-year-old heterosexual man who’s been married for three years. He talks about going from his hoe phase to having the best sex of his life with only one woman.
What was your first-ever sexual experience?
I genuinely can’t remember my first non-penetrative sexual experience, but I remember the first time I had full-on sex. Mostly because it was very weird. I was 14 and it was with a 17-year-old.
She was my friend’s girlfriend, and we were both staying over at his house for the holiday. I remember really wanting to have sex with her, up until it actually happened. That’s when it hit me that I’d fucked up.
Do you remember how it felt?
Honestly, I don’t know. Even right now, I’m struggling to remember that experience fondly. I can’t remember her body or how she made me feel. All I remember feeling is guilt and regret.
So, I’m guessing it happened only once.
LMAO. Nope. I wish I could say it happened only once, but it continued for the rest of the holiday. We were sneaking around while my friend was in the house, and I guess the guilt mixed with the fear of getting caught made it very exciting.
Wow. Did your friend ever find out?
In the strangest way. Months after we’d stopped, I found out she was pregnant. It turned out to not be mine or my friend’s baby — she was apparently fucking a bunch of guys – but it was during that mess that he found out. Our friendship still hasn’t recovered.
Was your next experience as dramatic?
It was the opposite. It wasn’t exciting or memorable at all. I went out with a couple of my uni friends and we ended up picking some babes. At the end of the night, we all just paired up and had sex.
What was wrong with that?
I didn’t want to. It was peer pressure. I wasn’t attracted to the babe, but she was interested in me. My friends kept egging me on, and I didn’t want to look like a slacker. So, we had sex and it was terrible. It’s one of the few times I didn’t have an orgasm.
Damn. That bad?
Very bad, but I actually consider the experience to be a good thing. Having sex that awful so early on made me realise that I didn’t want to be one of those guys who just had sex for the sake of it.
So, I became a lot more deliberate about picking my sexual partners.
How did that work out?
I think it worked out pretty well. I don’t think I’ve had a sexual encounter I regretted. They might not always be great, but I don’t regret being with them. Actually, that’s a fucking lie. I’ve found myself in a few regretful situations.
Like?
There are usually two scenarios. It’s either I sleep with someone in a relationship and things get awkward, or I sleep with a close friend and it ruins our dynamic. I don’t like stress, so I end up regretting those.
So, besides those few instances, your sex life was good?
Yeah. I’d say my sex life in my early to mid-20s was solid. The bulk of the sex I was having was in actual relationships. There was also the occasional cheating. While I was a Tony Umez-level lover boy, I was also a bit loose.
I had sex with a lot of very interesting people.
What’s your sex life like now?
I’m married. I’ve been having sex with one woman for six years now, and it’s been GREAT.
Really? Was that always the case with her?
Nah. We didn’t start off on the same page at all. I was way more experienced than her, and I also wanted to have a lot more sex. I really like sex, and if you allow me, I’d have it every single day. Three times a day.
She wasn’t like that at all, so I had to slow down and wait for her to catch up. It taught me a lot of patience, but it was also fun. I felt like I was starting my own sexual journey again from scratch. It’s almost like it rewired my brain.
How so?
I’m now more concerned with how good the sex is every time it happens, as opposed to the frequency of it. It’s funny because this was one of the two major sex-related things I was really hung up on when we first started dating.
What was the second thing?
For the first year of our relationship, she didn’t have an orgasm. Before her, I was very proud of my ability to make any woman orgasm through oral sex in five minutes or less. Not being able to do that for her really stressed me out.
I was worried that I couldn’t please her. Thankfully, we got over that hump.
What’s sex like now?
We have to schedule it so we don’t get too carried away with life and forget to be intimate. That has really improved our sex life. Since we know it isn’t happening as often, we pull out all the stops to make it excellent every time it does.
How often does it happen?
Two to three times a week. Our work schedules don’t really allow for more than that.
Does scheduling take the passion out of the sex?
I thought it would, but no. We don’t necessarily schedule sex; we actually schedule moments of intimacy. We pick a time to just spend with each other, away from work and other distractions. Sex doesn’t have to happen, but it usually does.
Fair. This has helped improve your sex life?
A lot. We also understand each other’s bodies more with each passing month, and that makes the sex so much better. It’s very exciting. I can’t wait to see what it’s like five years from now. We would probably be able to make each other nut in seconds.
LMAO. So, you’re fine with never sleeping with anyone else ever again?
Man, I don’t know. Currently, that’s where I’m at. That is the commitment I have made. I’m very willing to do it because I can’t imagine being okay with my wife sleeping with someone else.
We’ve had the conversation about possibly including someone else in our bed or opening our marriage, but we are currently on the same page about not wanting to share each other. I don’t know if that will change down the line, but we’ll see.
How experimental would you say you are as a couple?
We’ve tried toys, and that was fun. We also both used to hate anal play, but I watched a porno of a guy getting his ass eaten, and the look of pure ecstasy on his face was very appealing to me. We eventually tried it, and she was surprisingly into it.
Honestly, I feel like we’ll eventually get bored of the semi-traditional sex stuff, but what comes after anal? Are we going to start pissing and shitting on each other? I don’t think so, but who knows?
Please, let me know if you ever get there. It could be a sequel.
LMAO. Will do.
How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?
I’d give it an 8.5. The quality of the actual sex is amazing. At least once a month, I’m convinced I just had the best sex of my life. I won’t give it a 10 yet because I know it can still be better. I know this because it keeps getting better.
