I was mindlessly scrolling through X when I came across a tweet that stopped me dead in my tracks. Here’s the gist: Home girl was stood up after taking some aphrodisiac in preparation for some genital slamming.
That was a first for me and several other X users who’d mostly associated this experience with men. I knew what I had to do, so here are some stories from women who can relate.
Patience*, 40
My libido dipped after my first child, and I got worried because I like sex. I told my mother-in-law, so she gave me this disgusting mix of okra water. I took it for a week and started feeling like my old self again. Unfortunately, my husband started coming up with excuses to avoid sex. He’d sleep in a different room, say he was too tired or even return late. Meanwhile, I was still taking the mixture, hoping to get some action. It took me asking what was happening before he said he’d been scared to have sex with me since I had a vaginal tear during childbirth.
Hauwa*, 39
I didn’t go all the way with my husband before we married. We cuddled, kissed, and that was it. After marriage, I realised I had trouble getting sexually aroused. I spoke to a friend about it, and she suggested aphrodisiacs from an Instagram kayan mata seller. I knew my husband enjoyed making out on Fridays as part of his “easing into the weekend” ritual, so I waited to take the aphrodisiac one Friday evening around the time he returned from work. He rushed into the bathroom and said he had to attend a friend’s surprise birthday party and he’d be back soon. I was already feeling funny and wanted to pull him into the bedroom. But I thought I could wait it out till he got back. He called two hours later and said I should lock the doors as he’d be home late. I’d never felt so stupid and betrayed. I cried to bed that night and kept to myself for the rest of the week.
Derin*, 33
At some point when I was dating my ex, I hadn’t seen him for up to nine months because we stayed in different states. When we finally decided to meet, I had to travel to Lagos. Before I left Ekiti, I used all the usables for sex — yoghurt and pineapple, pussy sweetener, Parlodel — because I really needed some action. This guy didn’t come home for three days and stopped answering my calls. I was alone in his house until I just packed my bags and left. That was the day I resolved to get a toy.
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Jumoke*, 28
Curiosity made me try out one of these natural sex health tips people share on Twitter. I had to blend dates, yoghurt and pineapple into a smoothie and drink. I didn’t notice anything on my first and second try, but I kept seeing people give testimonies, so I tried it one last time when my boyfriend was spending the weekend at mine. This time, it worked. I was horny and dripping wet, and immediately my he got to my house, we had a quickie. It was so intense he kept asking if I took anything, and I denied it. After he went out the next day, I made a fresh blend and took it in anticipation. That’s how he called, saying he couldn’t come back because something had come up at his mum’s. I played it cool since he didn’t know what I had in mind.
Kemi*, 27
My boyfriend always complains that I never initiate sex or make the next move. Truth is, I’m not so big on sex and could go months without it. But it became an issue between us, so I tried to spice things up. I told a friend about it, and she gave me Spanish fly. I took a drop, but it made all the difference, and I was fired up at night. When I tried to touch Uncle at night, he started forming he’s tired and not in the mood. I ended up touching myself because my vagina kept pulsating. That was the last time I initiated anything.
Ada*,25
I had this crush in uni. We’d always flirt with each other while chatting. Soon, we started sexting, and I gave him the idea that I was a pro in bed. Truth is, I’m a one-minute girl, so when a guy takes too long, I lose interest. When we decided to meet, I wasn’t sure sex would happen, but I wanted to be prepared anyway, so I could live up to my sexting persona. I’d read somewhere that white wine does the trick. It worked because I was mad horny. I called this guy when it seemed he was running late, but he didn’t pick up. Texted, and he read with no response. This continued until it became clear he wouldn’t show up. I just finished the rest of my wine and went to sleep.
Read next: 7 Nigerian Men Share How Sex Was Different Than They Imagined
