Celibacy is the state of voluntarily being sexually abstinent, with “voluntarily” being a core aspect of that definition — it doesn’t count if you want to have sex but can’t find anyone willing to oblige.
So, I decided to ask a bunch of Nigerians about their individual celibacy journeys — ranging from a few days to their entire lives — to find out why they chose to do it and how tough it’s been.
Mary, 29/Female/Straight
I’ve never had sex, so I’ve been celibate my whole life. I am a very emotional person, and I feel my first time has to be just right or I’ll regret it forever. I’m also scared of enjoying it too much and becoming addicted.
The goal has always been to wait until marriage. That was going pretty well until about two years ago. Now, every single day is a struggle. I’m constantly thinking about sex, but I still don’t think I’m ready.
Charles, 27/Male/Straight
I decided to try celibacy this year because I read that semen retention could help with mental alertness and raising energy levels, but I also wanted to change my overall attitude towards sex.
I want to stop treating sex as a drug, and I want to start seeing women as people, not objects for my satisfaction. Three months is the longest I’ve lasted this year, but I’m trying again. My goal is 100 days straight.
Funmi, 27/Female/Bisexual
For some weird reason, casual sex just lost its appeal to me. I suddenly felt like I only wanted to sleep with people I loved. Now, I’m currently three months into my celibacy journey and it’s been a ride.
In the first month, my body didn’t know what was about to hit, so it was calm. By the second month, it figured out what was happening and my cravings went into overdrive.
I masturbated A LOT. At some point, I swear, I started hallucinating a little. I’m now in my third month and it’s easier. I think my mind is regaining control over my body. I even joyfully turned down a session recently.
Ebuka, 31/Male/Straight
Early this year, I took on “honest” celibacy for about a month. I say honest because people often include masturbation in their definition of celibacy, and I think that’s bullshit.
The experience made me a preacher of the ‘no nut’ gospel. My energy levels were higher, my erections were extra hard and I was more assertive. The women in my life kept remarking on how different I seemed.
Afterwards, I nutted three times in the space of 45 non-stop minutes without losing erection quality. Now, I recommend a one-month celibacy stint every quarter in a year. The benefits are remarkable.
Amaka, 24/Female/Straight
I’ve been celibate for about 3 years and 2 months now. It started after I got my heart broken. The guy was my first, and I’ve not been able to trust another man with my body since then.
Whenever I meet new guys and tell them how long I’ve been celibate for, they immediately start obsessing over how tight I must be. Then they try to make it their mission to end my celibacy. It’s really annoying.
Honestly, I’m tired of being celibate and plan to end it this December. Deciding which guy I’ll have sex with is now my main problem. If I don’t find someone I trust before the end of the year, I’ll just continue.
Ade, 25/Male/Not sure
I hooked up with a guy for the first time this year, and I enjoyed it so much it terrified me. Before him, I’d only ever been with women, and now, I’m confused about my sexuality. So, I’m avoiding sex until I figure my shit out.
I’ve been celibate for about 5 months now and it’s so hard. I’ve bruised my penis multiple times from excessive masturbation, but I’m still not ready to have sex with anyone, man or woman, and deal with any of this. Not yet.
Tolu, 22/Female/Straight
After I ended things with my boyfriend of two years, who was also my first, I knew I wouldn’t be able to have sex with anyone else for a while. So, I decided to give celibacy a try.
Do you know how long my celibacy journey lasted? Three days. By the time I found myself underneath one hot young man, who had his hands wrapped around my neck, I knew celibacy was not for me.
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