Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 24-year-old pansexual woman who has had many sexual adventures in a span of 3 years. She talks about sleeping with married couples, having a sugar daddy and becoming a financial dominatrix.
What was your first sexual experience?
I was 20. My friend introduced me to a guy and I thought he was cool. One thing led to another and we ended up making out. I didn’t think it was that great, but I was still open to exploring further.
After making out a few more times, I decided to try giving him head. It took a lot of convincing because, at the time, I thought the entire idea of oral sex was irritating. I actually ended up liking it. It gave me a sense of control.
You hadn’t tried anything before turning 20?
Nope. I come from a very religious home, so none of this was ever really up my alley. I wanted my first kiss to be with the right person, but since I never found a guy that interested me, it just never happened.
So, this guy was the “right person”?
Not really. I liked him, but not like that. I just decided it was time to finally experiment.
When did you try penetrative sex?
I was 21. I met this guy off Tinder and I thought he was really cute. So, I decided that if anyone was going to knock me up, it might as well be him. We started talking for a bit and got super close. We had sex the third time we met, and it was nice.
He ended up becoming my first boyfriend.
Did the sex get better with him?
Yeah. We were very adventurous. I don’t think we ever had sex on a bed. We did it everywhere else, from his boss’ table in the office to his car in broad daylight. So, that element of danger made it very exciting. He was also the first guy to ever eat me out.
How was that?
I wasn’t open to the idea for the longest time. I was only cool with giving head. Then it happened, and I was blown away. I wanted to get eaten out all the time. The sex, in general, was fun.
How long did the relationship last?
6 months. We used to have a lot of petty fights. It was my first relationship, so I didn’t really know how to think for two. He also didn’t trust me around other men. I mean, I did cheat on him a few times, but still.
LMAO. So, what’s your sex life like now?
These days, it’s almost non-existent. For starters, I haven’t had sex with a guy at all this year. I’ve been a lot more focused on women, and even then, it’s been months since I hooked up with one.
Oh? When did you realise you were into women?
Right from secondary school. I had a bunkmate who always brought girls over. I used to hear them go at it, and I became curious. After checking out a bunch of erotica and porn, I was sure I liked girls too.
I eventually gathered the courage to make out with a babe when I was 20 — a little while after I made out with the first guy. I didn’t explore with women again until I turned 22. That’s when I found myself in an arrangement with an older couple.
What kind of arrangement?
Typically, she would just eat me out in front of her husband. Sometimes he’d just watch us go at it and other times, he’d be fucking her while she did it. He just wasn’t ever allowed to touch me.
Wow. How did that set-up happen?
Unlike with men, meeting women was pretty difficult for me. I don’t know how to walk up to someone and just toast them. I’m usually the one getting toasted. So, I opened an anonymous Instagram account for queer women.
Women used to message me asking to be matched with other women. If I thought the babe was hot, I would match her with myself. If she didn’t make sense, I would match her with someone else.
So, the married woman messaged me one day, saying she and her husband wanted to explore. We did a video call and the chemistry was clearly there. I went over to her house and we all ended up having sex.
Did you ever have sex with them separately?
Yeah. After we met, her husband started hitting me up on Instagram. We eventually met up one day and had sex. It only happened once. He kept trying to make it happen again, but I was mostly interested in his wife.
How long did this arrangement last?
A few months. I got tired. I felt like I had explored that relationship enough, and I was ready to move on to my next adventure. That experience did give me a taste for older, married women. They are just more experienced than younger babes.
Wow. So, what was your next memorable adventure?
I started dating this guy who became my boss. After we had sex, a job opened up in his company that I was qualified for, so he hired me. It was nice for a while, but he started forming jealous. I found it really annoying because he was married.
He kept trying to make the relationship more serious, but I refused. He fired me.
You didn’t have any issue hooking up with married people?
Nah. I didn’t. At that point, I was in the space where if you found me desirable and I liked you too, I was open to fucking. I didn’t really care. Plus, he used to send me money and buy me stuff.
The money was definitely a nice incentive that helped stretch my attention span a little bit. If he wasn’t dropping anything, I wouldn’t have spent so much time taking his rubbish.
Was the money a prearranged agreement?
No. He just happened to give me. I never asked. In fact, I hated asking. I just didn’t like feeling dependent on anyone. Even now that I have a sort of discussed arrangement, I still don’t ask.
Oh? There’s an arrangement now?
Yeah. Multiple actually. I’m a findom mistress — this a sexual fetish where a submissive will be controlled by a financial dominant in exchange for money. So, I have a bunch of subs that regularly send me gifts and money.
I also have a sugar daddy. He isn’t one of my subs, but he sends me money too. It’s not a written arrangement or anything, but the cash is consistent. I met him a few months ago, and it’s been great.
How did you meet him?
On Twitter. He slid into my DMs and asked me out for drinks. That’s when I saw his car and realised he was loaded. After that, we continued talking and he said he wanted to take care of me. I mean, who doesn’t want to be taken care of?
Funny enough, we mostly just sext and talk. I think we’ve only had sex twice. He’s always quick to send me money when I need something. He’s really just a sweet, problem-free guy.
Nice. So, what’s it like being a findom mistress?
I’ve always known I liked being the more controlling one in the bedroom, but I didn’t really explore it until last year. I met this guy who really liked when I dominated him and called him names in bed, and I really enjoyed it too.
So, I took it to Twitter and announced that I’m a dom. Turns out there are a lot of Nigerian men who are submissive and are looking to explore that side because the DMs started rolling in.
So, what exactly happens after a potential sub DMs you?
I try to find out what they are open to doing, their pain threshold and their hard limits. Then I send them my rate card. I use that to give them an idea of the amount of money I’ll expect — not all the time, but frequently enough. If they agree, then we move.
I rarely do physical sessions. I only do it for the guys that are really worth it. I have subs all over the world — from America to South Africa — and I get them to do a bunch of different things.
Like what?
It depends on what they like. I give them random punishments, like forbidding them from having an orgasm for the entire week. If I feel like they did their punishments well, then I can reward them with nudes or something else.
How’s your dating life been throughout all this?
My last relationship ended this year. I dated a polyamorous man, and while I really liked him, I just couldn’t fully commit to the lifestyle. I was scared of falling in love with him and getting jealous of the other women he was with.
Still, I enjoyed being with him. He gave me the best head of my entire life and he was also very generous. To think it almost didn’t happen because I was apprehensive about dating an atheist.
Why?
I’m a Christian.
You’re still actively religious?
Very. I’m a full-blown Christian. While I do get conflicted about my sex life, I console myself with the fact that we all sin. I mean, there are worse sins than sex. Sometimes I know it’s taking God for granted, but I know when I ask for forgiveness, He’ll forgive me.
Fair. So, considering all the adventures you’ve had, how do you actually feel about sex?
I honestly don’t think I like it that much. Sex is not something I’m ever excited to see somebody for. I mean, I enjoy giving and getting head, but in general, I think of sex as a tool I use to get what I want. I don’t think it’s worth all the hype.
How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?
For all the adventures I’ve had, I’ll give it a 7.
