Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Sarah* (23) and Timi* (24), moved from “friends of friends” to “close friends” because of their shared love for anime. But after his attempts to have sex with her didn’t work, their friendship crumbled.
Let’s start from the beginning
Sarah: Timi and I started off as friends of friends. We knew the same people and would occasionally see each other at events. Our interactions were “hello” and “hi” until March 2021, the day I met him at a friend’s place. I walked into them having an anime argument and joined in.
Then they started talking about an anime I didn’t have. Timi offered to send it to me with his hard drive. Shey if I had known what would happen between us, I’d have found another way to watch the anime?
What happened?
Sarah: He collected my number and later that week, called to ask if he could bring the drive over. It was a Saturday. The only reason I agreed was because I needed something to spend my weekend doing.
After he shared the anime with me, he started asking for updates on how it turned out and my conclusion on the earlier argument.
That’s how we got close. From ranting about anime to talking about non anime things, we became friends on our own.
What was the friendship like?
Sarah: It was pretty great. He was always there for me. I remember when he came to sit with me in my house because I had cramps and was scared of being alone. We read together, attended parties and were involved in each other’s lives. His younger sister and I kept in touch quite often.
We got so close in the span of four months people started making wedding and marriage jokes. It annoyed me whenever they did, but Timi always laughed and told me not to worry about it.
He became my best friend and the marriage jokes continued. I wasn’t surprised they thought like that. He was in my house a lot. Sometimes, when people come to visit him, I’m in his house half-naked. I cook for him and bring to his house. We go out together to watch movies or beach dates. I enjoyed spending time with him, but I didn’t want to date him.
He didn’t fit the bill for what I wanted out of my life. I love him to death but he can be a bit irresponsible. Plus, he’s the kind of person who’s a great friend but a terrible boyfriend, and it’s caused a couple of fights between us. I didn’t want to put myself through that.
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So when did you start having problems as friends?
Sarah: The first time he tried to kiss me. It was during a house party in February [2022] and he was drunk. Luckily for him, I decided I wouldn’t drink a lot, so I kept watching over him. At one point, I lost him when he said he was going to pee. When he finally resurfaced, he grabbed my face and said he missed me then he tried to kiss me. Since I was sober, I could dodge the kiss. He had a mini tantrum, talking about how he’s been wanting to have sex with me for a while now and I keep fucking everyone but him.
I was shocked because I barely had sex with anyone. I chalked it up to drunk hysterics and got us home. The next morning, he didn’t act like anything happened, so I dropped it.
The next time he tried something like that was two weeks later. I was cooking stew and he came behind me in the kitchen and started kissing my neck. I could feel his erection through his trousers. I felt weird so I pushed him off me with the excuse that I needed to use the bathroom.
Did you ever confront him about it?
Sarah: Not until the time he actually made a proper move on me in May. We were in the house together, drinking and watching a romantic movie like we do once in a while when he started rubbing my thigh. He was telling me how much he could treat me better than the men in my life, that’s why it was unfair I was sleeping with people who made me cry when he was right there. I told him to stop, but he didn’t remove his hand.
He kept trying to make me “see his side” — that he’s been here doing all of these things for me, why don’t I want to give him a chance? I told him I didn’t see him that way and he got angry. He shouted at me and that I didn’t deserve good things and stormed off.
Wow
Sarah: Na real wow o. I called him the next day to find out what was going on, but he didn’t pick my calls. I went to his house but he didn’t open the door for me. I was heartbroken because someone I thought was my friend was only around because he wanted to sleep with me? Did all the time we spent together mean nothing to him? I was heartbroken for months. My friends really rallied around me and helped me return all his property.
Did he ever try reaching out?
Sarah: Yes, he did. He texted to say he was sorry in September, but my best friend replied and told him to shove the apology up his smelling yansh. That made me laugh. He should go to hell.
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