Tell me about your relationship with your sister
She is the second, and I am the third of four children. Ironically, we were the closest siblings when we were children. I guess it was because we were only two years apart and had similar tastes in games, TV shows, and music. Things were pretty great, but we started growing apart after our little sister was born. I’m not sure if it was because I was the only boy in the family or because we developed different interests, but by our mid-teens, we were not on the same page.
What do you mean?
During my childhood, starting around age nine, I can’t remember a nice thing she’d ever did for me, but I can recall countless instances where she would try to pin things on me just to see me get punished. My father is a pastor, so when I brought it up with him, he would say I should forgive and forget because we’re siblings. I really tried to, but her behaviour was just too much.
Can you tell me one of those instances?
Sure. When the Samsung S8 came out, I had just brought home stellar results from school, and my parents gave it to me as a gift. I was very happy with it because I love gadgets. After a week or two, she was attending a friend’s wedding and asked that I lend her the phone so she could take nice photos at the event. I was happy to oblige her. Long story short, she didn’t come back home with the phone. She said she forgot it in the cab on the way back home, but I’m very sure she lost it on purpose.
Ah.
In 2018, my penultimate year at university, I came home from Ghana to visit my family. Chinasa had flunked out of her university program earlier in the year, so between the pressure at home to get back into school and seeing her mates progress without her, she was pretty depressed.
I convinced her to come back to Ghana with me because I had an apartment that our dad had furnished, and I had some money saved up. She was reluctant to come with me but promised to come through for the Christmas break. When the time came, we spent three weeks together at my place in Ghana. She had a blast. We tried out all the hottest spots, went to the park together, rewatched our favourite shows, and it was great. I was even thinking that our relationship was getting better because of how well we bonded when she was around. She even extended her stay and went back to Nigeria at the end of January instead of when school started.
On Valentine’s Day, my father was at my door in Ghana for a surprise visit. I was so happy to see him, I didn’t think his visit, so close to Chinasa’s return home, was connected. He was supposed to be in the UK for an event, but he said he decided to spend four days with me before going.
I showed him around my school and took him to some of the places my sister and I went to, and we generally caught up. The night before he left, he called me aside and told me he had come because he was worried about me. He said my sister came home from Ghana in tears, talking about how I was spending money recklessly, that I was a cult leader, and that I never attended classes. I was confused. This was the person who was with me the entire time during the holiday and when school resumed. She even attended some of my classes with me. I was very hurt but also very confused. It damaged my relationship with my mum for a while because she was so convinced I had become something else at university.
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Did you confront her about it?
Yes, I did, but she said, that if I had nothing to hide, why would I be offended by the lies she was telling? That made me angrier. I decided to keep my distance from her. Then, of course, my mum and dad stepped in, saying they didn’t want to raise children who wouldn’t love each other. They didn’t want it to seem like they were playing favourites because I was the only boy, but it was clear that I was constantly at the receiving end of my sister’s anger, even if it had nothing to do with me.
That same year, she colluded with an ex-girlfriend to lie and try to pin a pregnancy on me. It wasn’t until a DNA test proved my innocence that she stopped telling random people that I was a deadbeat dad.
Omo. Did she ever apologise for anything she did?
Not once. Whenever it involved me, and I tried to explain my side or show her how she hurt me, she’d start crying and try to paint herself as the victim. The cycle of forgiveness and deeper cuts got exhausting for me, and I started to withdraw from her because I just wanted to avoid the wahala. But her last stunt was the final straw for me.
Tell me what happened.
A female friend and I made a joint investment into crypto late last year. It didn’t pan out, and we lost the money, but I promised to reimburse her because it was her first time, and I didn’t want her to be discouraged from investments. When it was time to pay, I didn’t have the cash. I promised to contact her later, but my phone broke. My friend somehow got my sister’s number and called her to ask after me. Thinking that it was safe to talk to my family members, she told my sister about the investment and the money I promised to give her back.
As soon as my mum saw me when I got back home that day, she threw herself to the ground in tears. She started screaming in Igbo that the evil day had finally come. Meanwhile, my sister was sitting in one corner, smiling smugly. I was confused as to why she would be smiling when our mum was in that state. After calming my mum down, she started saying how Chinasa had said I owed people all over Lagos money, and that I was into crypto fraud. I instantly felt tired. She’s going to be 34 years old this year, but she has the maturity of a ten-year-old.
I almost exploded in anger at her and told her I never wanted to speak to her again. It took weeks before my mum believed my side of the story. I had to call my friend to tell my mom the truth before things calmed down a bit.
I secretly made plans and moved out of my apartment, and no one in my family knows where I live now. I don’t want to tell them because they might tell her. I also blocked her number everywhere. She’s an unrepentant liar, and I feel like if I keep forgiving her, she’ll do something that will actually harm me one day.
Do you think your relationship with her can improve if she changes her ways?
No. At this point, I have seen and heard enough. Even our lastborn told me that she thought I was a cultist for the longest time because that’s what our sister had been telling her. Who knows what she has told strangers and people I’ll never be able to tell my side to? I just want to live my life in peace. If we must be completely separate for that to happen, so be it.
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