Tell me how you and Mayowa* became friends
We were colleagues at work. Through gisting, we discovered that our families lived in the same state. Our friendship deepened in 2022 after she lost her elder sister. Around the same time, a close friend of hers gave her the cold shoulder, which worsened her grief and depression. I saw her as a good friend, so I stepped up to fill that gap in her life.
What was your friendship with her like?
It was a bittersweet experience. She’s very hot-tempered and lashes out at the slightest provocation. When she’s angry, she doesn’t care if you’re her friend or not — she’ll talk to you anyhow and say lots of unkind things.
This made me a bit scared of her and combined with the fact that she is older than me, I always took care not to get her angry. I couldn’t call her out when she did anything wrong for fear of being blasted.
Mayowa did and said things to people that she herself couldn’t tolerate. You dared not raise your voice at her or talk to her anyhow, even when she was wrong, not to talk of insulting her. But if you were in the wrong? You were in trouble.
I’m not a perfect person either, and there were days I upset her, but her reactions were even more upsetting. She would yell at me and insult the hell out of me, and I would have to hold my tongue and wait till she calmed down to beg her. This is what our friendship was like. If I didn’t beg her, we could go radio silent for months. Despite all this, she could be a very sweet and lovely person when in a good mood.
What’s one experience with her you can never forget?
On the day of her sister’s burial, we didn’t have any prior communication regarding whether I would arrive earlier, so I decided to carpool with our other work colleagues so we could attend together.
She texted that morning and asked where I was. I told her I was waiting for one of our co-workers who wanted to attend the burial as well, and all hell was let loose. She said a lot of hurtful things that day. She gave me an ultimatum that I had 30 minutes to get there, and if after 30 minutes I wasn’t there, I shouldn’t dare dial her line.
By the time my co-worker arrived and we got to the burial, it was obviously later than the 30-minute deadline she had given me. When I called and she came out, she hugged the other lady that came with me and snubbed me — even as I was apologizing and trying to hug her. It was very embarrassing.
Whoa. That’s a lot. Did you ever try to talk to her about how her behaviour made you feel?
I never tried. I was scared it would provoke her. From time to time, she would acknowledge her hot temper. One time, she said she knew she was badly behaved, but she thanked God for the kind of friends she had and how they tolerated her behaviour. My mental health was in shambles being friends with her but hearing her say that made me feel special.
So, what made you distance yourself from her?
It’s a very long story. She moved abroad in 2023, met and fell in love with a married guy — let’s call him Femi — who had also moved recently and claimed he didn’t love his wife. I can’t lie, he was a sweet guy. He would send me money anytime she begged him to, and she also sent me money from time to time to support me.
We were both going through crazy phases in our lives and tried to be there for each other. She showed up financially for me, and I showed up for her emotionally and in any other way I could.
She had crazy fights with Femi — really crazy ones. She insulted and belittled him at the slightest provocation. Femi didn’t understand the constant mood switching and would always complain to me as her ‘best friend’ to intervene.
How did you intervene?
I’d tell him to beg her even if she was at fault or to give her time and space to come around. She was my friend, and I tried to have her back no matter what she did. I think that was part of the problem.
Anyway, she had promised to help me change my phone around July 2024 and Femi decided to support her with some funds to help. During one of their really bad fights, she insulted and blocked him everywhere. Femi came crying to me saying he was tired and that he was leaving the friendship/relationship for his mental health. Then he sent me ₦100k for a new phone and told me he was blocking us both for his peace of mind.
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Omo, that’s wild. Did you tell her about the ₦100k?
No, I didn’t. I didn’t know how to tell her because I was afraid she’d tell me to return the money. I was genuinely scared of her, and I really needed that money at that time. That was the biggest mistake of my life.
We had one of our issues shortly after and stopped talking to each other as usual. I think this silence went on for two months because I was actually tired of begging every single time we had a fight, and I decided that I wasn’t going to say anything if she didn’t this time. I was clearly not at fault. During this period, she and Femi got back together. And of course, he told her about the money he had sent me.
Ah! What did she do?
The next thing I saw was a status update on WhatsApp. She said something along the lines of: “I begged a friend to help her, and she hid the help from me, thinking I wouldn’t find out”. She said I was ungrateful and called me a kidnapper — that I could kidnap her because of ₦100k.
I was insulted and felt really hurt. She could have confronted me directly, but because we weren’t on speaking terms, she decided to air it out online. That was her way of ‘addressing’ me.
That’s crazy! What did you now do?
I texted Femi immediately and asked him to send his account number so I could refund him. But they had broken up again, and he told me to leave him out of the mess. I didn’t text her either. That was the end of the friendship.
I bought a few things with the money and gave them away. It was like cleansing for me. I felt free.
If she came to apologize and said she’s changed, would you consider rekindling the friendship?
God forbid! I’ve seen her new man tweet that anytime he mentions her ‘best friend’’ she gets angry and starts shouting. Wo, I’ve made my peace with the situation. Anything she told him that happened is really what happened. Make nobody stress me. I’ve closed that chapter.
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