Tell me how you and Dabira hit it off
I met Dabira when I moved to a new school in 2012. We were both in the same SS2 class, and we weren’t close, we were cordial. A few years later, we got into the same polytechnic for our ND and became roommates. Our close bond started growing.
What was your friendship with her like?
We were as tight as sisters. After our ND program, she went to a different school for her HND, but the distance had nothing on our friendship. She would come to my family’s house in Ibadan to spend holidays and weekends with me. I knew all her partners, and she knew mine. We took every chance we got to be in the same place, and it was like that for almost the entire duration of our friendship. We had no secrets from each other. Or so I thought.
What made things boil over?
In May 2021, while I was scrolling on WhatsApp, I saw an update on Dabira’s status. It was a photoshoot for her wedding. Dabira had gotten married, and I had no idea.
Ah! She didn’t tell you?
Not a word. I was so shocked, I tried to convince myself that it might be an elaborate prank. It wasn’t, o. She had gotten married, and she didn’t once mention the engagement, the prep, nothing.
Did you confront her about it?
Oh yes, I did immediately. I was so hurt that she didn’t want to share her special day with me, or at least even invite me to celebrate with her. I’ve known her husband since he first started toasting her.
Dabira and I spend so much time together; why would she keep their wedding a secret from me? When I told her how I felt, she said she didn’t think it was a big deal and asked me not to be angry. Her excuse was that the wedding took place in Lagos and since I lived in Ibadan, she didn’t want to “stress” me by making me take the trip to Lagos. A trip that I’d made many times before o.
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What was your reaction after she told you this?
Omo, I blocked her everywhere. I couldn’t wrap my head around her excuse, and I felt she didn’t want me there. She sent so many of our mutual friends to beg me, but I didn’t budge.
Whoa, so she’s still blocked?
Well, no. In 2022, I started to really miss her and I wanted to move past what had happened. I called her, and she was also very open to it. We talked like the old days and it seemed like our friendship was slowly healing. Then, in August 2023, she called me excitedly to tell me she just had a baby. I was so happy for my friend, so I asked her for details about the naming ceremony so I could be present and support her. Her response? “Oh, the baby is almost three months old now.” It felt like the wedding all over again. It just felt like I was the last person to know about anything happening in her life, but when it came to mine, she knew everything there was to know about me.
How did you react this time?
I just withdrew almost entirely from the friendship. We’re still cordial, but it’s obvious to me that she’s not my best friend. At least not anymore, and I’ve made my peace with it.
Would you be open to reconciliation if she came back to you to try?
No. Being excluded from these milestone life events felt like a betrayal, and I don’t think our friendship can recover from that. I believe we are better off as acquaintances.
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